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Episode #54 Transcript: Getting Past the Fear of Quitting Your Job with Rhonda Britten - How To Quit Working
Episode #54 Transcript: Getting Past the Fear of Quitting Your Job with Rhonda Britten

Episode #54 Transcript: Getting Past the Fear of Quitting Your Job with Rhonda Britten

 Jeff Steinmann:  Hello, and welcome to the How To Quit Working show. Man, I can’t even express in words how much fun it is to do this show. I was at a conference last week and talked to a lot—I mean, some of the top podcasters and some of the most popular online shows about entrepreneurship on iTunes. I got so much great information about things that I can do to make this show better and things that I can do to get more people to download the show, more people to listen to the show and a lot of really cool ways that I can deliver even more better, deeper value to you guys who the show is all about, my awesome How To Quit Working listeners.

And I’m just so excited about all the things that I’ve got coming up for the show and I wanted to let you know that next week, next week on the show, so a week from today, there’s going to be something a little different. Actually, a lot different. So, we’re going to have a slightly different format. Okay, actually, a pretty dramatically different format. And it’s really, really going to be awesome. I don’t want to announce it yet but I just want to tell you to tune in next week for an amazing, amazing show with lots of new stuff.

And I’m also going to announce some new and different things that I’m going to be doing on the show to just add more and more value and make it even better for you. I just want to say again how much I appreciate your listening to the show. I appreciate the emails that you send. I appreciate the reviews that you leave on Amazon and anything. If you could do me the one favor of going over to iTunes and leaving a review on the show, I would so appreciate it because that helps other people to see the show. It helps us to get higher in the search ranking so that more people can hear these awesome stories that we share on the How To Quit Working show and keep working themselves.

My guest today is Rhonda Britten. She is known as America’s number one life coach. And she has a lot to say about the idea of fear. She’s been through a lot in her life and she has really devoted herself to helping people to overcome fear and I know that’s such an important topic because whether we like to say it or admit it or not, that really is at the core of why folks don’t quit working and start a business and just kind of stay stuck in that lifestyle that’s not working for them.

Now, Rhonda’s been featured in many major media outlets including multiple appearances on the Oprah Winfrey show. And Oprah says everyone needs Fearless Living. Fearless Living is Rhonda’s creation. She’s going to join us today and tell us all about that.

But before we get to Rhonda, I just want to read a quick review that came in on the How To Quit Working book from Daniel in St. Louis. And Daniel says, “The career path that I’m currently on seems great. Plenty of room for growth. I’ve been told the sky is the limit for me. But after reading How To Quit Working, I now realize their sky is my limit.” In other words, his employer’s sky is his limit and they’re saying the sky is the limit.

And I’m sure that his employer means well but what Daniel has gotten from reading How To Quit Working is that the growth that you can experience when you’re working for someone else is limited. It’s limited by what they will let you do, where they’ll let you go and quite frankly, the competition. But when you have your own business, the sky really is the limit. You’re only limited by what you’re willing to do and how hard you’re willing to work and how passionate you’re willing to be about what you have to offer.

So Daniel, thank you for that awesome review on How To Quit Working and I wish you the best of luck. Now, let’s dig in to it. Let’s talk about getting over our fears with America’s number one life coach, Rhonda Britten. Rhonda, welcome to the show.

Rhonda Britten:  Thank you, Jeff. I’m so excited to be here. I mean, what a great title, How To Quit Working.

Jeff:  Well, that’s what everybody wants to do. One of the biggest things that stops people from quitting working and starting their own business so they can do something that they love everyday is fear. Tell us a little bit about your journey with fear.

Rhonda:  Oh, wow. Wow. Wow. One of the things that I recognize through my own journey of how I wanted to create my life was that I had all these baggage of the past, right? All these voices in my head and all these expectations of myself and all these comparing and all these worry and guilt. All the things that fear perpetuates. So as I tried to keep living the life that I wanted, trying to keep on moving forward and the things that really turned me on that made me happy, fear just kept budding its head, right?

And this is the thing, Jeff. I didn’t even know necessarily it was fear. Because I think that’s the first trick that has to be addressed. I don’t think that most people use the word like, I’m afraid or I’m scared. Most people don’t say like, “I’m afraid to quit working.” Right? They just go, “Well you know, I’m doing the right thing by my family.” They don’t actually say fear or scared so then when somebody like me comes along and starts talking about fear, I can’t tell you how many times people tell me, Jeff, it’s like, “Well, I’m not afraid. It’s just that I can’t.” “It’s not that I’m afraid, it’s just that you don’t understand my situation.” Right?

Most people don’t necessarily have a good handle on how much fear is running their life, how much fear is making their decisions for them, how much fear is perpetuating. Because fear is invisible. It is insidious and it is seductive and it has one job and one job only. Fear’s job is to keep you safe. And quitting a job and working for yourself for most people—not all people but for most people is not safe. Right? It’s not a safe thing.

I mean, Jeff, my sister, my sweet sister still to this day, if I’m going through like, if I have any like, “Oh man, I’m working on something. I’m really trying to figure this thing out.” Maybe to her, it sounds like I’m going through a difficult time when I’m figuring something out. She will say to me, “You know, Rhonda, you know you could become a trainer at Target.” I mean, to this date. To this date. I’ve been in business almost two decades.

Because to her, owning my own business still feels like a weird, crazy thing. And that I will settle down one day and get a real job. God bless her, she’s a big fan of mine on one hand. But if I at all say like, “Oh man, I’m working on something tough.” She takes that as, “Well, see, you should quit. You should strip this crazy life that you’ve been doing for two decades and go and get a job as a trainer at Target. You could be a great trainer, right?” And I’m like—and this is what I always say to her and this is the trick, everybody. You say to her, you say to those people, you go, “You know, I appreciate that great idea. And you know what? I may end someday but right now, I’m going to stick with what I’m doing.”

Jeff:  Well, that’s great advice because I think everybody has somebody in their life, whether you have your own business or whether you’re thinking about it that just thinks you’re going to outgrow it and thinks that you’re a little bit nuts. You have any other advice for what we should do with those people?

Rhonda:  Well, they’re called fear junkies. In my book Fearless Living, I call them fear junkies. Fear junkies have good intentions for the most part. There are a couple kinds of fear junkies that don’t have good intentions. But most fear junkies have the best of intentions. My sister wants me to be safe. My sister wants me to retire nicely. My sister wants me to have an easy life. My sister has the most loving intentions and most fear junkies do. They just are in their fear. They’re not in your life. They’re in their fear.

And so fear junkies usually echo our fears. And that’s why they are so compelling, so seductive because they’re saying the things that you’re thinking. They’re saying the things that you’re thinking and so all of a sudden, you get this business idea and you’re like, oh my gosh, I’m going to… I’m going to do it and you share it with a fear junkie and you’re in the back of your mind going, God I hope I can do it. Oh jeez, I don’t know if I have enough money or do I have enough savings. Fear junkie people go, hey, do you have enough savings? Sure you got it? And you’re like, yes, that’s what I’m thinking too. Oh my god, maybe I shouldn’t. So fear junkies echo our fears and therefore they’re so seductive.

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And so one of the first things that we have to do when we’re trying to make a life change, we want to make a life change when we’re going, I do want to work for myself. I do want to be an entrepreneur, is that we must tell ourselves the truth about fear and say, okay, you know what? I do have some fear. And so you can have an honest discussion and an honest—take down fear. Like, a takedown of fear so that you can actually move forward in your dreams. Because if you don’t understand of your works, if you don’t understand how to process fear and if you don’t know how to really own fear and master fear yourself, it will always win. So you’ll try to open your own business and you won’t make as much money as you wanted and then fear will have its way with you. And you’ll think, yeah, I better go back and work in my regular job, right? Like, fear stops us from being creative. It stops us from brainstorming. It stops us from thinking outside the box. So you got to tell yourself about fear that first and foremost in order to actually master it.

Jeff:  Well, you said something really interesting. You said earlier, basically people don’t realize that fear is what’s holding them back. They think it’s their situation. What would you say to somebody who’s out there listening and they’re saying, I don’t know who this Rhonda chick is but I am not fearful. I’m not fearful. I just can’t quit my job and start this business because I got bills to pay. It’s not fear, it’s my bills.

Rhonda:  I totally get it. And I would say this, hey, I’ve had clients come into my office,  get on the phone with me, come to a workshop, right? Hire me as a private coach, and they have said something like that. And this is what I always say: I totally get it. First of all, you got to validate them, right? You got to validate, validate, validate so that they can hear you, right? Because somebody who doesn’t think they’re afraid to tell them, well, you are afraid. You’re afraid, you just don’t know it. It’s not helpful, right? It’s not helpful.

So, I always say to a client, I totally get it and how about if I show you a way that you can do both, that you can pay your bills and own your own business. What if you can, within the next three to six months, we can transition you from you are now to where you want to go? And of course, they’re all like, whoa, you mean I could do that? I’m like, yeah, totally. Like, let’s talk about it. And so, I always work with people on two levels. One is their fear. And the other thing is practical application. But again, if you don’t address fear and people might be thinking, Jeff, how does Rhonda know about fear? She’s so cute. Come on!

Jeff:  That’s what I was thinking.

Rhonda:  I’ve learned fear the hard… life of hard knocks. Just like you, just like everybody, we’ve all gone through our difficult times and my difficult time is for many people who might feel more horrific than most but nonetheless, it was my journey and I had to go through it. And what I’m referring to, Jeff, is when I was 14 years old, I went through the horrific experience on father’s day. My parents were separated. My father came over to take us out to brunch and instead of taking us out to brunch, my father took a gun and shot my mother twice. And then killed himself in front of me. And I was the only witness to my father murdering my mother, committing suicide. And when that happened to me at 14, I blamed myself. I was the only witness. I was the only one there that could have stopped it. I’m the only one there that could have grabbed the gun, kicked my father, jumped in front of my mother, done something heroic. And I did nothing heroic. I just screamed, Don’t! Stop, daddy, stop. Right?

That took me down for 20 years. For 20 years, I blamed myself. I had nightmares every night that my father was shooting me in my sleep because that day when my father did murder my mother and committed suicide, he did point the gun at me at one time. And he did cocked the gun and it looked like he was going to shoot me, too. And if not for my mother shouting stop and my father realizing my mother was still alive and then taking that bullet intended for me and shooting her, I may not be having this conversation with you right now.

And so, when that happened, nightmares every night. I started drinking just to deal and just have fun and get rid of the image and the pain. And so, I tried to kill myself three times and it was my third suicide attempt that I realized something. And I realized that I’m not really good at killing, not going to happen, not dying, there must be a reason I’m living. And now, don’t get me wrong. It’s not like those 20 years, I wasn’t working and not trying to get past it. I mean, I got therapy. I did workshops. I read books. I did all the… I’m a good Midwest girl. Save myself, heal myself, get past my pain.

But it wasn’t until that third suicide attempt when I realized that I wasn’t good at killing myself that I decided I had to figure out another way. That is really when my journey with my relationship with fear started because I was just until that point, just changing chairs on the Titanic. I was learning one skill and one tool and those are all nice and then I was learning going to this class and oh, that was cool and fun. But I really wasn’t addressing the core issue that’s at the heart of all of our excuses, at the heart of all our rationalizations, at the heart of indecisions. All of our heart of worry. All the heart of our guilt.

I have devoted it now to understanding fear in a practical, layman’s everyday way. And yes, do I know neuroscience? You bet I do. Do I know the brain? Of course, I do. Yet, how fear shows up for us individually—how your fear shows up for you may be different than how it shows up for me. It works all the same like, fear works the same. The way it works is the same but how it shows up for me and you is different. And so that’s why one thing works for one person and one thing works for a different person and why you feel crazy like, why can’t my cousin do that and I can’t? And why does this work for somebody and why isn’t it working for me? It’s because your fear’s different than mine. The way that your fear works, again, is the same for each of us but how it shows up.

And so when we’re comparing, when we’re competing, when we’re looking outside of ourselves like that, we’re always going to ignite fear. Fear’s always going to be in charge because nothing looks the same. And we think, why can’t I do that? So that horrible thing that fear causes us to do which is compete and compare just causes us to doubt ourselves, right? Because fear has one job and one job only, Jeff, and that’s to keep us safe. And the challenge with the definition of fear for when it’s called be safe is stock the same and small. Fear wants you to say stock the same and small because then it knows how to keep you safe and knows how to control the situation and knows—it knows. It’s the known. See, working for yourself and you know this, Jeff, is all about getting comfortable in the unknown. And that is the only place of freedom is the unknown. So, the more you think you have to know, the more that you have to control, the more that you think you have to have all the answers, the more that everything has to be concrete, the more fear is running your life.

Jeff:  Wow. So, Rhonda, how do we know? How do we know if fear’s running our life?

Rhonda:  Well, fear’s running your life, let me just read some words to you. Just shut your eyes for a minute and I always ask people to nod their head if they do any of these things or feel any of these things. Do you do any of these things or feel any of these things? So, do you ever worry? Right? Do you ever feel guilty? Do you ever procrastinate? Do you ever compare? Do you ever avoid? Do you ever isolate? Do you ever ignore? Do you ever feel bitter? Do you ever feel disappointed? Do you ever feel irritated? Do you ever… and I could go on and on. There’s about 50 words that I could read to you that do you do any of these things or feel any of these things and the answer is, you probably nodded your head on some, Jeff. Yes?

Jeff:  I didn’t get any no’s, actually.

Rhonda:  Right. So that’s typical, by the way. I was just talking to an audience yesterday and I had everyone nodding their head and I say, hey, anybody need a chiropractor, right? And they’re like, oh my god, I can’t believe it. I go, yeah, because see, this is what happens. You hire a coach and you go, I want to solve my procrastination problem. And they go, okay, let’s solve our procrastination problem,  which is awesome and wonderful. You want to solve that procrastination problem. And so, you go in and you come up with solutions and skills and tools. Again, wonderful, lovely thing. Those are really great things to do.

Jeff:  Schedules and spreadsheets and all that kind of stuff.

Rhonda:  And then what happens is you’re like, hey, I nailed that procrastination. I don’t do that anymore. But wait a minute, oh wait a minute, now I’m comparing a whole lot more. Wow. Okay, now that’s coming to the surface. So what happens is is that fear will constantly cost a new “problem”? Because it will let you solve one problem. It will let you do this thing. But it will, at the core, be causing other issues.

So if you think about plans and a flower buddy. You got this beautiful flower, this budding flower and you got to cut back one of the buds because it’s dead. Dead had it so you cut it to have a new flower bloom, right? And that’s the thing. It’s always blooming flowers because it’s going to bloom flowers until you deal with the root, until you can look at the root and figure out what’s going on for it to flower or not flower, right? And so, fear is the root. And what we do on a human plane in our everyday life and what a lot of therapists and coaches and classes and workshops do is they actually deal with the surface issues of the symptoms of fear, not the cause itself which is fear. It deals with the symptoms.

And so we get a lot smarter. We get a lot more efficient. But we actually don’t have a relationship with fear so that we can really make the dramatic changes in our lives that we want, really take fear down and no longer allow it to have its way with us. No longer blame ourselves or listen to that negative self-talk or listen or make excuse or rationalizations or beat ourselves up and put ourselves down. Because fear will always—it will always make you feel like two steps forward, one step back. One step forward, two steps back. Why is this happening again? I can’t believe I’m doing this again. I thought I solved this problem. Why? Why? Why? Right? And the answer’s always the same. Well, it’s your fear.

And again, until you understand how to process fear differently, until you have an understanding of how it works for you individually, personally, it will always have its way with you because it’s smarter than you. Fear is as smart as you are, as educated as you and spiritual as you. So it will use all your spirituality against you, all your education against you. It will use your values against you. It will use your belief systems. Just because you have integrity doesn’t mean it’s not in service to fear. Integrity is a wonderful value in service to fear or is it in service to your freedom? I don’t know. And you know because if you have fear-based integrity, what happens is that becomes rigid. But it’s not moving them forward, it’s keeping them back.

Jeff:  All right. So, I apologize to our listeners. We had to switch from Skype to phone. We just had some Skype pick-ups there, but we’re back so if it sounds a little differently, that’s why. Now, I want to pick up with the question that I was getting ready to ask you, Rhonda, which was, you’ve gone through a lot of struggle in your life and you had a 20-year period where fear kind of ruled your life. But what was the point at which things really turned around for you and you really realized that yeah, there’s a better way to do this?

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Rhonda:  Yeah, yeah. It really was. The beginning of it was that third suicide attempt when I really found myself woken up in the psychiatric ward—oh, by the way, if you try to kill yourself three times, they do evaluate you and they make sure you’re not crazy. And they evaluated and let me go. I’m in my apartment alone and I realized that nobody was coming to save me, Jeff. There was nobody coming to save me. And there was nobody that—not that people don’t want to support you and care for you but ultimately, we all have to make these decisions. We all have to make these tough choices in some ways alone, individually.

And so, I realized that nobody’s coming to save me and I had to start thinking differently. And so, I started, out of sheer desperation, to make up exercises for myself. Exercises, the very first exercise I gave myself was I put a calendar up on my bedroom wall. For 30 days, I gave myself a gold star and this is seriously, Jeff. For exercise, I gave myself out of psychiatric ward is I said, okay, wait a minute. I don’t know if there’s anything really good in me anymore. I don’t know if there’s anything good left. I don’t know if I’m worth fighting for.

And so, I gave myself a gold star for anytime I did something good, anything I did something positive, anything I did something nice. And I actually found that gold star calendar recently and it was just amazing to look at and read everything. And it’s amazing. At the end of 30 days, Jeff, I realized that I had something good and worthwhile to save. I was worth fighting for. I was a good person. There was something good left in me. And that’s one of the big turning points.

Another big turning point for me was forgiving my parents. I think a lot of our pain of our past, even again, we don’t know it’s fear that’s keeping us there. We don’t know it’s fear telling us, I got to pay my bills. It’s a highly integral, holy thing. You want to pay your bills. But you can do both. You can open your business and pay your bill. You just need support in knowing how to do that. But the other thing was forgiving my parents like, letting my image of who I was go. Letting the broken child go. Letting the girl who didn’t save her mother and father go. Let the father go who—my father who took that gun and shot my mother twice. Forgive him. Let my mother—forgive my mother for being in that relationship for 20 years and my father tried to strangle me when I was 12. She didn’t kick me out of the house. I had to forgive my mother.

So, forgiveness, most of us don’t have to think about it in terms of how do I open my own business? I had to forgive. But for many people, it’s actually one of the key components to actually setting themselves free and of course, fear tells you you shouldn’t forgive, how dare you forgive, who do they think you are if you’re going to forgive. What’s going to happen to you if you forgive? So forgiveness and fear definitely work hand in hand.

Jeff:  That’s so interesting. And I think so many times, we confuse fear with… or I’m sorry. We confuse forgiveness with making the thing the person did okay. Do you know what I mean?

Rhonda:  Yes. Absolutely, yes.

Jeff:  And I think you can forgive someone and still say, no, what you did was not okay,  but I do forgive.

Rhonda:  Yeah, because we’re not trained in this society to how to put boundaries up. We’re not trained how to care for ourselves. We’re not trained how to speak up for ourselves, which of course, is the scary thing about opening your own business because your boss isn’t going to speak for you. You have to speak for you. You’re the one that has to make requests. You’re the one that has to ask. You’re the one that has to stand up.

And so, opening your own business, let’s say you’re an artist or let’s say you have a really great business idea or maybe it’s writing a book. Maybe that’s how you open your business is that you want to be an author, just something to write, create. And we just don’t know how. We don’t have the skills. We’d never learned the skills and this is what our society tells us. Our society says, well, you should just know how to do that, that you should just know how to do that like, what’s your problem? And then if you don’t know how to speak up and you don’t speak up, then you call yourself shy or you call yourself, well, that’s just not who I am.

We label ourselves things which is not it at all. It’s just that you don’t have the skill because fear’s telling you that you’re labeling yourself, well, that’s just not who I am. It’s like, well, it’s not who you are because you don’t know how. You don’t have the skill and fear’s telling you that’s not who you are but that’s actually, you have no idea who you are. And that’s the thing. Fear keeps us from actually knowing our strength, knowing our courage, knowing our way with all these. It’s like, forget we have a backbone, that we have resilience, that we have resolve, that we have a strong commitment because we’re not in touch with our passion. We’re not in touch with our purpose. We’re not in touch with what’s really moves us and motivates us everyday.

Besides, I’ve got to pay for bills, again a noble thing that you want to do. And we’re not necessarily in touch with what really turns us on everyday which is of course, the song of the entrepreneur, right? The lure of being an entrepreneur is like, yes, I can finally do it. And most people can’t reconcile how can they be safe and on their own business. How can they, with their limited skills, be really successful? How can they deal with their mother, their father, their husband, their wife, their children, their partner, whoever. How can I convince them?

So there’s all these past situations, all these people, all these really good reasons that seems like opening your business isn’t a good idea. And it’s all manufactured and all based in your own individual fear. You can change that view about it and you can get what you need in order to do it. You just have to tell yourself the truth that it’s not that you just have to pay your bills. Again, a holy endeavor and I want you to pay your bills. And there’s something else at hand here. And until you’re willing to say, okay, you know what? It’s more than just pay my bills. I really just don’t even know how.

I want to know how and I listen to all these other people. I know this is… I can’t tell you how many clients I work with that say, I took this class and I took this workshop to open your own business but it didn’t help me get over the—I didn’t take the courageous step of doing it. I got a lot of information but I actually didn’t do it yet. And that’s because they don’t understand how fear works. So they just are waiting for some magical permission from the outside world to give them fairy dust or to give them a guarantee, a 100 percent guarantee that they’ll succeed and that’s not freedom and that’s not being an entrepreneur and that’s not opening your own business, right? That’s not living in a fearless—that’s not being fearless.

Jeff:  Wow. Great, great perspective. What was it for you, Rhonda, that allowed you to make that transition from what you were doing before to having your own business?

Rhonda:  It really was that… well, I tell you the moment that it happened. I owned my own public relations company and that’s a whole story into itself because I mean, I was waitressing really for 20 years. I was waitressing. I was a mortgage broker. I was an actress. I was doing all these things.

Jeff:  Cool. That’s the stuff that builds our character though.

Rhonda:  It builds character. I tell you, I say waitressing thought me everything about owning my own business. Because waitressing, you actually run your own business. You’re actually in charge of that table, right? You’re in charge of their move. You’re in charge of serving them. Like, owning your own business and waitressing for me, man, those are the… same thing. It was the first time I owned my own business inside of somebody else’s.

Jeff:  That’s awesome. I always like to tell folks there’s always something from your job or your career that you can take forward into your business. And I never would have guessed from waitressing, but that’s awesome.

Rhonda:  Well, you could learn how to read people. In waitressing, you got to know, can you joke with these people or not? What kind of service do you need to give them? Are they the laidback kind or do you have to be in front… so you learn how to read tables when you waitress. You learn how to connect with people. You learn how to serve. I mean, there’s so many things. Jeff, I always say that every single thing that you’ve ever done in your life has brought you here and you’re going to need every single thing you’ve learned in order to make switch, right?

So, I was doing like I said, waitressing. I was a mortgage broker for six months. I worked for a public relations company for a while and the owner of the public relations company asked me to be a partner. And I was like, what? Partner, me? I didn’t even know that I was capable of it and/or that I could do it or I didn’t… like I was like, what? And so, that gave me the courage to go, you know what? I’m going to start having my own clients on the side.

So, I started my first client. My very first client, I started charging $300 and most people know P.R. companies charge $5,000 a month and even back then, they were charging $5,000 a month, $3,000 a month. But I was like, okay well, I’ll just have my first client. And I’ll submit it to newspapers and I’ll charge them $300 a month. And a friend of mine knew somebody else and I said—and I just started speaking. I was like, yeah, I’m doing P.R. for people.

Jeff:  Stepping into it.

Rhonda:  Right. A friend of a friend was like, oh, I know. I’m like, okay. Now, I’m still working full time because I don’t believe in quitting your job without a ramp up. And so I was still working full time. And I was doing these press releases on the side. And just like I do with all my clients, I always ask them how much money or how many clients do you need in order to have the confidence—and again, you may not have confidence like, 100 percent but to know logically like, okay, if I have 10 clients, I bet I can make a go with this. If I’m making $3,000 a month, I can make a go with this. And so, that’s what I did. I had five people paying me $300 a month, eventually over a certain amount, and I thought, I’m making $1500 a month. That pays my rent. That pays my electric.

Jeff:  And what a great situation to be in because you were grossly underpriced.

Rhonda:  Grossly underpriced. Grossly underpriced. But I underpriced myself and this is another trick that entrepreneurs, when first starting out need to learn is that people say, you got pipes more than that. It’s like, you don’t have the confidence to price more. I didn’t have the confidence to charge 5,000. I have a confidence to charge 300. And then what I did is as my confidence grew with each client, as I tried getting clients, results with my clients, the next client… another thing that—an error that entrepreneurs make is they go, they print the fee. They go, $300 and they write it down and they go. And then they put it everywhere and everybody thinks they charge $300, right? And then a year later, somebody comes with that 300 and it’s like, gulp, gulp, gulp.

So what I did is with each client, as my confidence grows, that fee rose. So, I got to think five clients at 300 than the six clients I ran. I mean, I’m hyperventilating, right? And I went 500. And of course, still I’m underpriced, right? But still, me charging 500 even though I know it was 5,000 or 3,000 that people were paying, me charging 500 was a die. How dare I charge $500? And so that’s what I did. And that’s exactly what I did with coaching when I started moving from having clients and charging three, five hundred.

I ended up charging 1500 at my highest and when I had five clients paying me $1500—it took me time to do that—is one of my clients was a life coach, was a speaker, was an author. And I started really not only doing his P.R. but really running his business. Don’t even ask how I knew, I just did. I just knew how to do things. I was working for him for a year and still had a couple of clients. He wasn’t my only client but I had still couple of clients. But really, I started really helping him in all these different areas. And he would always say to me, oh, you’re going to be a better coach than me. And I’m like, I’m not going to be a coach, listening to all these people who are probably crazy.

A similar thing, as I was working with him, as I had my few little P.R. clients charging my—and some of my clients were still paying for $300 a month. Some people were still paying $500 a month. Because one of the things that I have done is I’ve never raised the fee on anyone. So, I still have coaching clients. For my first coaching, client paid me $25 an hour. That coaching client, she still comes and has a session with me and she pays me $25 an hour.

Jeff:  Oh, wow.

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Rhonda:  Yeah. So I’ve never raised. Once you start working with me at a certain rate, you stay that rate forever. And so, and that’s something that most people won’t do but that’s my way of honoring where I was and honoring that client risk in me. So my point is is that I didn’t write anywhere down my fee is. My confidence, the next client, I would charge $200 more and then I would charge $300 more and so eventually, charging $1500 for P.R., I knew I could get a certain amount of results. I knew I could do it. But I built up to that.

And so when you go in and listen to these pricing people and they go, go ahead and charge $1500 when you start. If you don’t have the confidence, no wonder you can’t get it out. No wonder you can’t get it out, right? So, listening to all these experts and charging some time actually does you a disservice because you’re not ready for that. You actually have to charge $25 an hour or $300 for the first couple of clients and keep your full time job as you build up.

And as you build up the skills and as you build up getting used to saying 300 or 500 or 200 or $25 like I did coaching. And you start seeing people going, wow, you really helped me. Then the next time you go, $50. Then the next time you go, $100. And then eventually you get to 500 and 1,000 and then it becomes… then you start really playing with pricing at all different level. But in the beginning, you have to honor where you are and push yourself every single time.

Jeff:  That is such an amazing point. And we don’t talk about that enough.

Rhonda:  No.

Jeff:  Yeah. We had Jill Bierne Davi—she’s a financial coach—on the show back in January. She talked about the same thing. The first time she did a financial workshop for a bunch of women, she charged them like, $10 each, which was just insanely cheap. But she says that she never would have been able to move her business forward had she not sold where she was confident at selling.

And I always tell folks, if you got a price at low, price at low just to get out there and to get the success stories if nothing else. And I think you made a really good point about how the gurus talked about pricing higher and while yes, that is sound business advice, so much of the advice that we get from the big gurus is not for people who are just starting. It’s for people who are further along in their business. And I think that really does a disservice to people who are trying to make a transition.

Well, Rhonda, you have got such an amazing story and you have given us such great insight on fear. I know that in serving my clients, one of the biggest things that I have to address is fear. And you gave me some great insights for how I can do that and I know the folks listening got some really awesome insights as to how they can address and perhaps identify their fear. But tell us a little bit more about what you do and where we can get more information about you.

Rhonda:  Absolutely. The thing that I get is actually create the only model that helps you master fear of the day. Fear rejection, that fear of success, that fear of failure et cetera, all those fears that silently eat away at us. And I created something called the wheel of fear and the wheel of freedom. And it’s in my book Fearless Living and it’s in—if you want hands-on, I created something called The Fearless Living training program that really helps you identify your fears. It actually shows you and helps you assess out your individual fear because like I said earlier, your fear and my fear may work the same but they’re different.

And I also believe that we all have a core fear. And so again, most people are focused on one fear. I do have fear of failure. I do have a fear of rejection. Okay, you may have those as symptoms but in actuality, you have one core fear that really drives your life and I have one core fear that really drives my life. And so what I show people how to do is actually identify that core fear and then work with it and then be able to access what I call the wheel of freedom. So it’s like, okay, first of all, you identify the wheel of fear and then you identify the wheel of freedom and I show you how to work between both so you can move from fear to freedom at will. So it’s not a guessing game. It’s actually a pathway that you can do each and every time. Every single time, you can actually go at will and I say that seriously like, at will, you can move from fear to freedom.

So, I would love to give your listeners a little freebie so that they can go and watch me in action. And not only am I going to give them—I want to give them three videos and these three videos are not only going to show them the wheel of fear but they can actually see it in action and I’ll explain it in detail.

But also, I’m giving them another exercise that’s going to help out of the box right away, start making changes in their life. Because we know that procrastination, motivation, the great-to-do list, sometimes is not an effective pathway to really take the risks we want. So I have this exercise that I use with my client. It’s called stretch, risk, or die. Stretch, risk, or die.

Jeff:  Stretch, risk, or die. Awesome.

Rhonda:  Yeah, you got to take a stretch in your life. You got to risk in your life. And yes, sometimes you’re going to feel like you’re going to die. I would love to give them, in these videos, these three videos, not only will I explain the wheel of fear but I’m also going to explain stretch, risk, and die so that they can actually start making changes where they are right now and understand how fear is stopping them from making their decision.

So if they go on over to rhondabritten.com/risk, you’ll go, you’ll show up on a webform. You’re going to put your name and email in there and then you’re going to…  immediately sent to these three videos. And each video is about 15 minutes long so it’s about 45 minutes total. It’s me presenting live to a small, intimate group where I really get into questions. So give yourself that 45 minutes and trust me, it will be well worth your time because you’re going to learn about, you’re going to learn about fear.

Jeff:  Awesome. Well, we’re going to put a link to that below. So if you didn’t catch the web address that Rhonda gave us, you can just click the link below the show or if you’re in iTunes, click over to the show and you get the link right there. And also, we’re going to put a link to your book Fearless Living below the show. And Rhonda, I can’t thank you enough for being on the show. And before we wrap it up, I just want to ask you this question: what’s next for Rhonda Britten?

Rhonda:  Well, being the fearless person that I am, I am in the middle of creating a very, very large project. I mean, I’ve done over 600 episodes of reality television. I won an Emmy. I’ve been on Oprah several times. So, I’ve done a lot of TV. So I’m in the process of creating something new that’s never been done before, combining TV and web, et cetera. So, that’s on my horizon. So be on the lookout. Go to rhondabritten.com. Sign up for my newsletter and of course, if you’re really ready to master fear, it’s time to take the Fearless Living training program and you can find that on my site as well.

So yeah, so the next thing up for me is a very large project regarding TV and if I could just… and with this one thing, if you don’t hear anything else I say today, if everything’s just… you’re listening, you’re in the car, you barely heard it. You didn’t know, it’s kind of like, okay, I’m here, whatever. If you hear nothing else I say today, this is the thing I want you to take away more than anything else and this is the thing I want you to memorize and put in your heart, is that there’s nothing wrong with you. It’s just fear. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re not flawed. You’re not damaged. You’re not wrong. You’re not not good enough. You are good enough. You just have belief of fear and you haven’t been able to see fear tricking you. And my job is to help you see fear tricking you so you don’t get tricked again. So there’s nothing wrong with you. It’s just fear.

Jeff:  There’s nothing wrong with you. It’s just fear. Rhonda, thank you so much for being on the show. I look forward to hearing  about when you’re ready to announce your new project. Reach out. I’d love to have you back on the show. Go to Rhonda’s website, pick up her book. Thanks again, Rhonda, for being on the show and let me know how I can help you in the future.

Rhonda:  Thank you, Jeff. I so appreciate it. I so appreciate your kindness and I so appreciate what you’re doing. Being an entrepreneur is the greatest experience of a lifetime. So join us. Be like Jeff, be like me. If it’s for you, if it’s calling to you, come on. Join us.

Jeff:  Join us. It’s awesome.

Wow. What great stuff from Rhonda Britten of Fearless Living. I can see why Oprah has had her on multiple times and why she’s won an Emmy and hosted a bunch of reality TV shows. She just has so much passion for what she does. And she just cares really, really deeply about it. No matter what your situation is, if you listen to Rhonda’s story, I mean, gosh. She had to witness both of her parents being killed in front of her eyes. I can only imagine what that must be like and what a difficult situation that is.

And I think the cool thing about Rhonda is she’s… yeah, that was really tough and that got me down for a long time, 20 years. And took her a couple of suicide attempts. But she said, you know what? I’m not going to let that define me. And not only am I going to not let that define me, I’m going to help other people to deal with their fears as well. I personally find that to be very, very inspirational and I’m honored to have Rhonda on the show sharing her amazing story.

I encourage you to share your story. It might not be as dramatic as Rhonda’s is. In fact, it probably isn’t. But you have something. You have something to share. You have something amazing to share and you can share that story and you can make money with it. You can make a living doing it by becoming an entrepreneur and building that around what you really care about. Becoming an entrepreneur and starting your own business is so much work. I hope that we never pull the punches on the show. And I hope that we never, ever make it seem like it’s easy.

And I try really hard to make sure that we’re being really transparent because there’s a lot of work. I won’t say it’s hard because it’s not hard. It’s just a lot of work. And I think that when you’re doing something that involves that much work and that much what is, many times, thankless persistency that’s required, just having to do things over and over and over. For the first probably three months that I did this show, I don’t know that anybody listened. I mean, there were so few listeners. But I’ve gotten to see that grow. And in order to push through that and in order to continue to put these episodes out in the beginning when I knew there was so few people listening, I had to really, really care about what I was doing. And my point is that you’ve got to really care about it a lot. You’ve got to be passionate about it in order to push you through.

Because the fact of the matter is, you’re a grown person. Nobody can take your Gameboy away. Nobody can punish you. So you have to be the one. Nobody can force you to do anything. So you have to be the one that pushes through. And when you’re a grown adult and there’s no threat of being grounded, there’s nobody standing over your shoulder, you’ve got to have something that will push you through and the thing that does that is passion. The thing that does that is really, really caring a lot about what you’re doing.

So, I think Rhonda really embodies that concept of really caring about you’re doing and doing something that is really, really meaningful. And she has an amazing story and you have an amazing story as well. And yours is very different than Rhonda’s. It’s very different than mine because it’s yours. You’re a unique individual and that uniqueness and that story is value that you can bring to the world. So bring that value to the world.

And if you want some help doing that, go to howtoquitworking.com/book. Pick up a copy of How To Quit Working because it talks all about that. There’s a whole section actually that I talk about how to talk about your story, how to tell your story in a way that’s compelling as well as putting that into a business plan and making money in doing it.

As I said, we got something really cool coming up next week. I am super excited about it. And I’m not going to tell you what it is but I’m just going to tell you it’s really cool and it’s about taking the How To Quit Working show to the next level. So show up next week. Meanwhile, pick up a copy of the book at howtoquitworking.com. Visit Rhonda Britten at rhondabritten.com/risk and get that free video series that she’s offering.

And if you’d be so kind, leave a review here on iTunes. There are instructions for leaving a review below the show and the show notes as well as links to everything that we talked about here. Thank you so much for joining us on this episode of the How To Quit Working show and I will see you next week.

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About Jeff Steinmann

Jeff wants to help you Live More. He is the author of How to Quit Working, A Simple Plan to Quit Your Job for a Life of Freedom. He hosts a weekly show called The How to Quit Working Show that features lessons from Freedom Fanatics who quit their soul-sucking 9-5 job and created a business that lets them live a passionate life of freedom. Jeff also writes for several media outlets, including The Huffington Post, Lifehack and Elite Daily. Most of all, Jeff is a Freedom Fanatic, fiercely devoted to finding a better way to “do life”.

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